


The Hottest Days

by shaniceisfalling



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Bottom Sokka, Boys In Love, Gay Zuko (Avatar), M/M, Top Zuko, Zuko Angst, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 01:58:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14606673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaniceisfalling/pseuds/shaniceisfalling
Summary: What if Zuko and Sokka discovered feelings inside themselves that neither should’ve given into at the Boiling Rock? As the former prince of the Fire Nation and the warrior of the Southern Water Tribe struggle to keep their relationship (Can it even be called that?) a secret from the rest of the group, the war continues mercilessly around them.How do two people who should still be enemies learn to face a war, and an unaccepting society, together?





	1. The Way There

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. All characters belong to their respective owners and any alterations that I've made to the plot do not reflect the intentions or actions of the creator(s).

He could’ve ratted me out right then and there when he saw me trying to sneak away on Appa. But he didn’t. He’s been doing a lot of that lately, stuff he doesn’t need to.

He didn’t have to seek forgiveness from the group.

He didn’t have to offer to teach Aang jerkbending.

And he sure as hell didn’t have to understand my need for redemption today, but he did, and I don’t know why. These past few months have been so full of fighting that someone doing something as “small” as sharing a cramped war balloon with me, or taking the time to understand me, it’s…

Maybe it’s because it’s the new hair style, or the lame jokes he makes over the fire at night. Maybe it’s the fact that he made us tea or saved Appa (twice now). Maybe it’s the altitude, or the lighting, or the fact that it’s been so long since I’ve just been alone with someone. Anyone other than my sister or the gang.

I don’t know, but Zuko just seems so different to me.

“You’ve changed,” I mutter under my breath.

I don’t expect him to say anything back, until he does. “I’m sorry. Did you say something?”

I freeze. “Uh,” I look away from him, stuttering. “Um, nothing… I just.” I look up at the clouds. “Pretty clouds,” I say quickly. _Safe._

He follows my gaze, giving a Zuko-smile. “Yeah.” It isn’t really a smile at all. It’s just a softer frown. “... Fluffy.”

Okay this is awkward. I rub the back of my neck, pressing my back against the side of the balloon. We small talk. I whistle occasionally to fill the void whenever I say something stupid. How much longer could this ride be? I’m dying here.

After I make a sarcastic comment about war running in his family (brilliant idea Sokka), he gives me a pointed look.

I flinch.

He turns towards me, all the way this time. The balloon feels ten times smaller. “Not everyone in my family is like that,” he enunciates every syllable, jet black hair shifting with the motion.

I put my hands up in defense. “I know. You’ve changed,” I try to play it off, but he’s not having it. He goes into a speech about how the old, round, tea-loving man Iroh was more of a father figure to him than his own dad. That gets me thinking of my own father who’s rotting in prison because of me.

I want to tell Zuko that I get it, but I don’t know how. It doesn’t feel like the right time to, because he looks hurt in a way I can’t keep up with. Before, he was just anger, anger, anger. Every time we saw him he had a big, fat “fuck you” expression written all over his face. But now he gets sad. He gets defensive. He gets angry too. Seeing the hot-headed “prince” like this… Confused and frustrated and lost even though we know exactly where we’re going, it just doesn’t sit right with me.

I clear my throat, thinking about my own decision to give up everything I knew to follow Aang. “Hey. I think your uncle would be proud of you.” That’s what I have to tell myself about Gran Gran and the other villagers I left defenseless. “Leaving your home to come help us? That's hard.” I look at him.

But he shakes his head. “It wasn’t that hard.”

I don’t buy that for a second. “Really? You didn’t leave anyone behind?”

“Well,” he starts.

There we go, point proven. I expect him to say his uncle again, or maybe even his crazy sister—as messed up as there relationship is. But he smiles in a way that takes up his face, saying, “I did have a girlfriend. Mai.”

 _Mai?_ Something in me… Drops? Shifts? ...Snaps? Oh. “That gloomy girl who sighs a lot?” I ask.

He smiles even harder. “Yeah.” Then his face falls a bit. “Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I’m a traitor. I couldn’t drag her into it.”

How sweet. I nod even though it feels tired, strained. I roll my shoulders out, trying to figure out what that is in my chest. I’d say it was disappointment, but I don’t have a reason to be jealous of Zuko being in love with Mai. I’m in love too, right? With Suki? I shake my head at the thought of the girl. I don’t wanna worry about where she could be. Or if she’s still… alive.

My mind goes to Yue. “My first girlfriend turned into the moon,” I say.

His eyes widen. He looks up at the sky as if the moon were out now. As if he could see her. Then he glances at me. “That’s rough, buddy.”

Tell me about it.

The conversation dies there. He continues to throw fire into the tank. I try to remind myself that those same strong arms I’ve been staring at ever since he arrived at the temple (maybe even since he came to my village that first time), that same flawless form, that technique [queue spongebob screaming technique xD] that’s keeping this balloon afloat is the same technique he used to try to kill us. To tear my village down, burn Suki’s to ashes, and terrorize countless other towns and families.

I remind myself of these things not because I want to hate Zuko again. But because… I don’t know.

I remind myself of these things so that the thoughts running through my mind can go on and die already. The trip’s too long. The balloon’s too cramped. And whatever’s causing these feelings in my chest is too persistent.


	2. The Boiling Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka considers his feelings for Zuko as the events of "The Boiling Rock: Part 1" play out.

I sneak past the sleeping figures scattered across the temple. I’m looking for Appa, tip-toeing in the candlelight. Eventually I see him in the distance, under the glow of the stars. When I reach for his saddle, trying to climb on top of him, it’s not Appa. It’s Zuko in his sleeping bag.

I jump.

He looks straight into my eyes analyzing my every move. I thought he was asleep, but he pushes up onto his forearms like he never was. He says it as a whisper, but all I feel are his lips against my neck. “Not up to anything, huh?”

He feels like fire against me, but I shiver anyway, holding onto him.

He looks at me again. “We’ll need a bison daycare after this. And some steam...”

“Steam?” I stutter out. What is he talking about? “Zuko what are you saying?” I ask.

He pushes me under him. “There it is.”

I snap out of my dream, blushing, looking around.

“There’s plenty of steam to keep us covered,” non-dream Zuko explains. “As long as we’re quiet…”

Quiet? Yeah, that sounds good. I try to still my beating heart.

What the hell was that? Didn’t the cactus juice run its course? I can’t even look at him straight.

We eventually crash land on the shores of the prison, barely missing the “fires” of the boiling lake. Zuko has his doubts about the plan, and so do I, but what can we do? There’s no turning back now.

We dispose of the balloon and “borrow” some guard outfits. I try to keep my eyes to myself while we change.

 

* * *

 

Once again, Zuko’s the bearer of good and bad news. My dad’s not at the prison, so we came here for nothing. But in the middle of one of Zuko’s questionable speeches, I notice her. Suki.

When my eyes land on her, sitting in the courtyard, _alive_ (unlike what Azula said), my heart starts beating like crazy. Even I start doing crazy things.

I drag Zuko along with me to find her, saying she’s the reason this whole thing might not be a bust. I don’t plan on him listening to us swap spit. That’s right.

She kisses me, or I kiss her, or… I don’t know! Whatever it is that happens between us, it isn’t bad. I like her. I’ve always liked Suki, it’s just… The kiss with her at the Serpent’s Pass felt like I was falling in love. Now? It’s just different. I don’t know.

I’m not the same guy I was before Ba Sing Se. Before the drill or the Dai lee. Before Aang’s death or the failure of the Day of Black Sun. Love is the last thing on my mind when I see her—the girl I met all those years ago rotting in a prison cell because of the war none of us can escape from. I just wanna hold her, the way I’d hold my father if I ever get to see him again.

She’s not just this one thing to me anymore. A fellow warrior. A cute girl. A person I have history with. She’s all of those things but so much more than that, like Toph. Suki’s family now, but where does that leave us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N (5/11/18) - I personally hate when fanfic works minimize or disrespect the canon female love interest, so I tried not to do that to Suki. I'll always love her and Sokka together, but Zukka's where my heart's at xD
> 
> On another note, I might do a college AU for these fine boys. There'd be a lot of angst and pining. Zuko would probably be dealing with an unhealthy home environment (in regard to his father) that he tries to get away from by moving on campus. The only problem is he ends up sharing a dorm with a chatty, sarcastic, overly-talkative guy who may or may not be surviving the semester on an energy drink called Cactus Juice. We'll see where that goes ^^


	3. The Way Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka, Zuko, and the three "prisoners" escape from The Boiling Rock. But in the midst of the chaos, Sokka contemplates his own sexuality and the nature of his feelings for Zuko (feelings he MIGHT confront Zuko with on the airship back to the temple).

The first time I feel flames fly past me, I freeze. Eyes widening. Hands clenching.

“Impressive,” Dad says at the riot Chit Sang started.

I can’t say the same. Bodies are thrown this way and that. I move closer to my group, wondering when we can get the hell out of this place. I’ve seen what fire can do. I don’t wanna see it happen to them.

Golden eyes peer back at me.

I flinch until I realize it’s him. “Zuko. You made it.” Relief washes over me.

He nods, looking around at the disaster. He could’ve just as easily’ve been one of the people on the floor. Dead, or at least not moving. Would we have had time to look for him then? If he was just a corpse?

I wanna do something. Clap his shoulder. Grab his arm. Pull him against my chest and tell him I wouldn’t leave him. No matter what. Whether he was dead or not. Whether I had to let the rest of the group leave without me or not. I’d stay. Just like I did for Suki and Dad, but that would be so awkward, and it’s too soon, and… anyway. I scratch the back of my neck. I decide to just say, “Good.” Good that we’re all here, and I don’t have to consider those things.

Zuko moves closer to dodge an attack. I move away. He looks into my eyes expectantly, albeit confused at my silence.

I know he’s wondering about the plan, but my heart’s racing. “Uh…” Why do I suddenly feel like this? Why is he so close? “We’re gonna kidnap the warden and escape on the gondolas.”

His reaction is less than enthusiastic. He groans, and the noise shoots straight up my spine, even over the chaos around us. “I thought you thought this through, Sokka?”

“What?” I raise my voice over the scuffling around us. “I thought you told me it's okay not to think everything through?”

“Maybe not everything, but this is kind of important.” He gives me a look.

I furrow my brow. Why is he talking to me like this? Especially in front of everyone? Before I can say anything else, Chit Sang interrupts us.

“Hey, uh, fellas.” He looks in the distance. “I think your girlfriend's taking care of it.”

Girlfriend? That word echoes in my ears with the sound of the bending around us.

_Girlfriend._

_Girlfriend._

**_Girl_** _friend._

As we shuffle up stairs, turn corners, try to catch up to her, my mind wanders to the idea of Suki and me. My girlfriend? We haven’t kissed or anything in front of Chit Sang. And we haven’t told him we’re together either (which we’re not… I don’t think), so what made him think that we were like that? Did she say something? … Did I?

I look at her, smiling at me as she holds our target against the wall. It’s not such an outlandish idea—the two of us. She’s a girl. I’m a guy. It’s only natural, right? We’ve even kissed before, so that proves there was something at some point, but… I look at Zuko. Haven’t we spent more time together? Been closer? Talked more than Suki and me, at least during our time here?

“That's some girl,” Dad says, out of breath. He claps my back and takes off.

I nod, but I’m not filled with pride like he wants me to be. I just say, “Tell me about it.” It’s all the reminder I need. Suki’s a girl. Zuko’s a guy. He’ll never be considered as my partner the way she is…

Not that I want him to be or anything! He’s just a friend. A _guy_ friend. I don’t know why I even brought him up in this situation. But then it dawns on me, he’s just a friend. And Suki is just a friend to me now, so it’s not fair for only one of my friends to get the spotlight, right? Friends give friends credit after all, so I point out when Zuko shoves me out of the way to keep two guards from burning me to a crisp.

I say, “Wow. I probably would’ve died.”

No response.

When he breaks the handle so that they can’t follow us, I ask, “What are you doing?” even though I already know.

He lands beside me effortlessly, with my help pulling him up.  He slowly lets go of my arm, fingers brushing against my skin. “I’m making it so that they can’t stop us.”

“Way to think ahead,” I say loud enough for the whole gondola to hear. No one else gives him any praise though (not like they did with Suki at least).

I can’t think of anything else to say, so I stay quiet for a while, focusing on the task at hand—Azula. In the midst of facing her, and the back and forth rhythm I develop with my sword and Zuko’s flames, I slip.

Zuko grabs my arm right before I go over the edge.

“They’re cutting the line,” Ty Lee screams to Azula, but that’s the last thing I’m worried about. I just don’t wanna fall now.

I hold onto Zuko for dear life, staring into his eyes.

His rescue isn’t graceful by any means. It isn’t delicate. It isn’t awe-inspiring. In fact, he haphazardly yanks me back and forth with every shift of the gondola. His wild hair flies this way and that, and he almost falls over himself.

Still, I’m grateful when I’m standing on solid… well you know what I mean. I think my arm’s dislocated, and my balance is a mess, but I thank him anyway.

He doesn’t even notice. I raise an eyebrow, following his gaze, and I know why. All of his attention is on the platform below.

Mai.

She’s… saving us? You should see the look on Zuko’s face. My heart drops. I focus on where we’re going instead as Chit Sang leaves the warden in the abandoned gondola.

Eventually, we make it on to Azula’s airship. Even in my disappointment, I have to admit this was a good idea. It’s a definite upgrade from the balloon we came here in. Before I can say that, I notice how silent everyone is.

They’re not saying anything. In fact, I think they look disgusted at all the red and metal encasing us. Dad can’t take his eyes off the fire nation insignias. Every weapon has Suki, and even Chit Sang, inching closer towards the center and away from the walls. After that, I keep my mouth shut.

“I’ll…” Zuko starts. “Go… get it started.”

The looks he receives are anything but trustworthy. I think my dad might even say something, but at the last minute, he doesn’t. He looks at me instead, as if to ask, _‘Are you sure you trust this guy? Because I sure as hell don’t.’_

I want to say something, anything to prove my point, but I realize I already tried back in the prison.

_“Actually, he's on our side now ... After all he's done, it was hard to trust him. But he's really proven himself, and I never would've found you without his help.”_

If that didn’t work, what would? There’s nothing else I could say to change his mind. I think Dad realizes that. I think Zuko does too, but we all know he’s the only one who can man this thing, so no one stops him as he moves to the control room quietly.

He doesn’t make any sudden moves, golden eyes shifting easily between us before landing on me. “I’ll just take us back to where Aang and the others are.”

I nod.

He leaves the door wide open once he’s sitting at the wheel, so there’s no confusion as to what he’s doing. I think the whole thing is ridiculous—considering he just helped us escape in the first place—but both Suki and my dad are watching him carefully. Even I feel the urge to, but then I come to my senses. This is Zuko. _Zuko_ , the guy that made this all possible. I trust him… don’t I?

I look around at the dark airship, and I can’t help seeing what they see. I may have been hiding in the fire nation for a while, but that doesn’t mean I’ve gone blind. I notice the weapons, the insignias, the red just as much as they do. Even if I don’t flinch anymore, I still hold my breath. Still remember my mother. Still remember Yue.

I can’t ignore what _my_ people have gone through at the hands of _his_.

Zuko will always be fire nation, but that doesn’t stop me from saying, “He’s really proven himself, you know.” I look at the accusing eyes around me. I know this isn’t what they wanna hear, but I have to say it. “He’s saved us now more times than I can count. Ask anyone in the gang.” Except Katara.

The group around me nods, but it still seems like they’re just trying to tell me what I want to hear.

It frustrates me even more. I push past them and into the control room, closing the door behind me. I wanna slam it, but I don’t have the nerve. A part of me is still worried I might be wrong about him. Even now. Even here.

Zuko raises an eyebrow, looking at me past his dark mass of hair.

I just take the seat beside him, watching the open air. The sea. The still sky. Even now, even in a place like this, in a land dead set on war, it’s all still so… Does he miss it?

I watch him keeping an eye on the course he’s going. Does he regret not staying by his sister’s side? By his people’s side? … By his girlfriend’s side?

“So…” He doesn’t look at me, but I’m sure he said it.

I nod to show I’m listening.

He stays quiet for a while, holding on to the armrest beside him. “So Suki.” He says it like a statement, but it feels like a question.

I raise an eyebrow.

He looks at me this time.

I shrug. I don’t know what else to say, but, “Mai?”

He shrugs. I don’t know what that means, but I think it’s the only answer I’ll get. I run my fingers over my overgrown buzzcut, watching as he pulls a lever. Shifts a gear. I try to make sense of it all, but I can’t. Not even with him.

He shrugs again, looking away. I nod. What else can I do?

The mood’s shifted completely. It feels exactly like when we were coming here, but different. It feels like it’s just the two of us in this room, but every time I hear someone pacing outside the door, I realize that’s not the case.

For the first time, I wish I hadn’t fallen asleep on the way here. I wish I had lived through every private moment I had with Zuko, before the weight of who he is and who I am and what that means for the both of us kicked in again. Maybe this is a sneak peek of how it’ll be if the war is ever over.

The opportunity to speak openly to Zuko is gone.

Don’t get me wrong though. I’m happy my dad and Suki are back, I’m even happy about Chit Sang a little, but… Zuko’s eyes connect with mine.

I shift in my seat, tapping my fingers nervously.

He looks at the window again. Something in the way he does it makes me feel like the non-existent conversation we were having is over, but I don’t want it to be. I don’t want this trip to be done just yet.

“About Suki,” I says.

He looks at me again, something playing in the back of his eyes. “Yeah?”

I keep talking. “And about the others.”

“Oh.” He sighs.

Why does he sound so disappointed? I lean forward, closer to him. “They just need time. They’ll come around eventually.”

He nods, staring straight ahead.

I keep trying. “Just tell them how you saved Appa like you did with us.” I smirk. “That’ll win them over.”

He gives me a look.

I try not to laugh. At first he looks irritated, but then he shakes his head. His golden eyes lazily glare at me, and my stomach flip.

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing.” I fight the burning in my cheeks.

He gives me a wary look. “If you’re gonna be sick—”

“I just wanted to say thanks,” I mutter.

“Thanks? For what?”

Isn’t it obvious? I look away. “For following me here.”

“Oh. That.” He says the last thing I want to hear, waves me off. “It’s nothing, Sokka.”

Nothing? My face falls. At that moment I’m reminded that he went on a trip like this with Aang too. I immediately get what he means. _It’s nothing, Sokka. Nothing special. Just a part of being in the group now, doing my job._ “... Yeah.” I get up and go back to the room with the others.

When we make it to the air temple, I share the story of our adventure with Dad, Katara, and the rest of the group. We’re all huddled around the fire, but Zuko keeps his distance. It’s like he’s disappeared into his own world, and—apart from keeping the fire burning well into the night for us—he stays there. Maybe he thinks he’s being polite by giving us the space we need with our dad. That’s the impression I get every time our eyes connect, and he gives me an easy-going look (as easy-going as his cold eyes can muster). That is, until I see the suspicious looks certain people are giving him every now and then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Things are gonna pick up in the next chapter ;) lol


	4. "Dream" Sequence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka's dreams are changing. Zuko catches him in the act.
> 
> Episode: The Southern Raiders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING - Elements of rape/sexual assault exist in this chapter. It does not actually happen to any character, but if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, please skip the italicized section or skip this chapter altogether.

The Boiling Rock won’t leave me. Or should I say, I can’t leave The Boiling Rock. I can’t get what happened there out of my mind.

_ Between trying to figure out this escape plan and the mess that’s going on in my mind, my feet take me to Zuko’s cell. I know I’m not supposed to be here, but I need to be. _

_ “Can’t I just rough him up a little?” I ask. _

_ The guards allow it without a second thought. “Fine.” _

_ I don’t question how easy it is. _

_ I pry the sliding door open, and my eyes land on Zuko. He’s lying on his prison bunk. Hair tousled. Skin exposed. His shirt slightly around his waist when he sits up, and I can’t take my eyes off that expanse of skin. That firm chest. Those solid abs that I want to run my fingers over again and again. That’s one thing no other nation can deny, no matter how much we want to—the people of the fire nation are beautiful. _

_ Zuko looks at me, lips slightly parted. They’re dry, almost cracked. “Sokka?” _

_ I don’t say anything. _

_ His tongue runs along his bottom lip for a second before disappearing. He doesn’t do it in a sexual way. Not yet, but it still makes my pants tighten. _

_ I take a step closer, lowering myself onto his sheets. _

_ “Sokka,” he says again, this time in a warning tone. _

_ I don’t put a rolled up mattress in between us to trick the guards. I don’t fake anything. I touch him in places I shouldn’t. For longer than I should. I can’t stop. _

_ He pushes me away, but we both know he’s not getting anywhere. He’s got nowhere to go. He’s locked in, and the only two people that could help him right now, the two guards outside that he keeps calling to, aren’t doing anything. They’re the ones that let me in. They knew. _

_ I can see it in his eyes when he realizes this. He stops pushing me away. He lays there, with me on top of him, looking away as if that could keep this from being real. Even with the noises he makes, the guards never interrupt. Even with the noises I make as I force myself onto him, no one comes. _

_ I lower myself onto his shaft, making him to take me again and again. “Zuko.” His name’s always at the tip of my tongue. The prince. The prisoner. The object of my wet dreams. “Zuko,” I whimper, wanting him to call my name too instead of asking how I could do this to him. He looks like he’ll be sick, but it never dawns on me to stop. Somewhere in the back of my head, I want to, but I’m not even in control anymore. I feel powerless to stop my own hands. My own hips. My own mouth begging him to move. Begging him to help me. _

_ I run my fingers against his neck, down his chest, towards the place our bodies meet. I want him to feel this, the way I’m moving against him. I want him to want it as much as I do, no matter what anyone thinks. No matter what he thinks or feels. _

_ But when I look into his cold, dead eyes, it makes my stomach turn. He doesn’t want this, so I get up and leave. When I push past his cell door, I’m no longer in the prison. I’m naked in the middle of my village with Zuko’s cum leaking out of me. My friends and family watch me, pointing, staring. _

_ Dad grabs me, and I can’t cover myself in time for him not to see. “Fire nation whore,” he growls in my ear. But the words come out my own mouth. _

I wake up in a cold sweat, holding onto my sheets. It takes me a moment to realize where I am.

We’re camping out in the middle of nowhere, because Azula decided to attack us (again!) at the air temple. I lie on my back and stare at the “roof” of my tent. The dream tonight with Zuko wasn’t like the others. It was a nightmare. It was rape.

I feel sick. I shut my eyes, feeling disgusted with myself. I'd never do that to him, force him to do anything he didn’t want to with me, so why is it happening in my dreams? Beyond even the rape part, he’s my friend. He’s a  _ guy _ . This is Zuko we’re talking about. Why would my mind even be thinking about him in that way?

I look down at my pants, noticing my little problem creating a ridge in my sleeping pants. Okay, maybe it’s time I be honest with myself. Maybe I feel a little more for Zuko than I’d care to admit. But still.

Am I so desperate that my mind would conjure up assault as the solution? Is any other option really so hopeless? Has even my unconscious given up on the idea that he could… I don’t know, feel something back for me willingly?

He did seem a little conflicted about Mai. That had to be for a reason, right? Couldn’t that reason be me?

… Of course not! What am I thinking? Zuko is definitely straight. He doesn’t want to fuck me. I repeat that again and again in my head so the hopeless dream can die already, but my hands find their way in my pants. I can’t stop hoping for it. And the thought of him inside of me is the only thing that can finish me off. It’s been that way for a while, ever since he came to the temple in the first place… Maybe even before then.

I push the covers away and pull my pants down just in time. What I don’t cover with my hands spills onto my thighs and stomach. Great. I look around for something to clean it with. My eyes land on Zuko.

I freeze.

He’s standing at the opening of the tent, wide-eyed.

My face burns. The feeling of embarrassment spreads across my body faster than the sperm. I’m absolutely mortified. I pull the covers up, stuttering nonsensically.

“Sorry.” He shuts the tent forcefully, disappearing into the night.

You’ve gotta be kidding me.

I throw my head back, groaning into my pillow. Tell me I didn’t say his name out loud? Tell me he only caught the end of that? But even then… I roll around in my misery, not caring about how dirty my sheets get. I want to erase this entire night from my memory.

I manage to clean myself and my sleeping bag off. Then I go after him. As much as I’d like to awkwardly avoid him for the rest of my life, I’m not stupid. He came to my tent for a reason, so I need to ask what it was.

It doesn’t take long to find him. He’s sitting outside his tent, looking like he’s deep in thought. That, or he’s absolutely horrified by what he witnessed. When he hears me coming, he snaps out of his trance.

“Hey,” I say awkwardly.

He doesn’t look me in the eye. In fact, he looks in the opposite direction. “...Hey.”

It makes me feel ten times more embarrassed than I already am. “What?” I ask. “Do you never do that sort of thing?” I don’t know why he’s acting all high and mighty. We’re both guys. We both know what’s down there. We’re the same age-ish.

He shrugs, still not looking at me.

“You know what? Forget it.” I turn to walk away. But when I hear him say, “Sokka,” just loud enough for me to hear, I pause. I almost don’t believe he said it.

He gets up, but he keeps his eyes on anything but me. “I’m… sorry I interrupted.” He looks for words. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine?” I’m a little taken aback. That’s not what I expected him to say.

He shakes his head. “You were busy. I should’ve knocked.”

Yeah. He definitely should’ve done that. “But—”

“I wasn’t watching you or anything,” he says quickly, looking at the ground.

I raise an eyebrow, extremely confused. “Uh… Who said that?”

It’s his turn to look confused. “You followed me here. Didn’t you think I was—”

“Of course not.” I put the pieces together, waving my hands vehemently. I wasn’t confronting him. “I just thought you had something to say before, so I came to ask.”

“Oh.” He sighs, relieved. 

I nod. Another blush takes over my face at the thought though—Zuko watching me? Before I had my legs spread wide open, using one of my hands to stroke and the other to finger myself (hopefully he didn’t see that last part, or he’d know what I like for sure). I can’t even fathom the notion of Zuko willingly watching me do something that perverted. But then again…

I think about the way he just stood there, eyes raking over every part of me. My back arched. Lips parted. Panting silently from the force of my orgasm. Maybe I just imagined it. Those gold eyes wandering over my heated skin.

“What did you need before?” I ask, before my thoughts give me another reason to have to clean myself up.

He gets serious now, his previous embarrassment wiped from his face. He looks into my eyes, and it’s the Zuko I know again. Cold. Harsh. To the point, albeit frustrating. “Your sister. She hates me, and I don't know why.”

When he asks me to tell him what happened to my mother, even I get serious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so ready for something to happen between them. I wish Sokka would make a move already! Hopefully in the next chapter ;) Thanks for reading!


	5. Zuko Alone, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the events of the Southern Raiders, Zuko contemplates his feelings on forgiveness, war crimes, and a certain water tribe boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I think I've taken too long to update for an apology to even have value. Thank you guys so much for the comments. They really motivated me. I think I would've just stopped without them.
> 
> This chapter is from Zuko's POV. There will be mentions of sexual assault, but you can avoid them by skipping the italicized. Other than that, read away~~ (Also, feel free to tell me if I need to put TW anywhere else.)

**(Zuko’s POV)**

The man who took Sokka’s—I mean, _Katara’s_ —mother away falls to his knees. It reminds me of the way I fell to the floor, sputtering, trembling, begging my father for another chance at my agni kai.

So many people see the scar, but I felt it. The flames. The burn. The blood.

Katara passes judgement the same way my father did. Not with fire, but with conviction. Ice crashes around us, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s right or wrong like Aang said. It’s what’s going to happen.

I don’t flinch. I don’t look away. I’m no stranger to death. I wait for the blood to splatter across the ground, to flow away with the dirt and the downpour.

None of that happens.

The ice melts into a harmless liquid, like a vapor, running down the murderer’s face. I know the only tears he’s crying are for himself, and still, I’m shocked by it. This is a man of my (former?) nation. He’s a guy I could’ve looked up to in the past, and that terrifies me the way I terrify myself. If people can’t change…

He slumps like air. Like trash. Like nothing. “I did a bad thing,” he whimpers. “I know I did. And you deserve revenge so…” Suddenly, light fills his dull eyes like he’s got an idea. Mud sticks to his hands as he begs. “Why don’t you take _my_ mother? That would be fair.” The fool smiles. He actually has the nerve to smile.

I feel sick, and Katara sounds as disgusted as I am.

“I always wondered what kind of person could do such a thing,” she says. She looks at him, but her mind is somewhere else. “The way you left her… You know what I’m talking about, right?”

I freeze.

The old man shakes his head, but Katara nods anyway. “Yes you do. You know what I’m talking about. You left her like that for her husband to see.”

My stomach turns. My mind goes back to the past.

_“Zuzu.” Azula wakes me up._

_I glare at her. “Go away.”_

_“Come on already. Something interesting is happening.” She runs to the door of my bedchamber._

_I peek one eye open. “But Mom says—”_

_“Just get up already,” she snaps._

_I give her a wary look, but I follow her all the same._

_We wander through the halls of the palace, staying in the shadows as much as our tiny bodies let us. She makes sure the coast is clear, nodding to me. “Alright. Here it is.”_

_“What—”_

_She smacks her hand over my mouth. “Just watch.”_

_I peek through the crack, squinting my eyes against the light. Past the double doors and the burning red hue, there are three war prisoners. They’re in chains on a bed that looks just like mine._

_“What...” I don’t get to finish._

_A fire nation general yanks one of them to the floor. Thud. The boy’s body collapses. He curses, blue eyes narrowing, but he doesn’t look up._

_“Do you have something to say?” the general asks._

_The boy grits his teeth, but he still doesn’t look up._

_The general sighs. “I said...”_

_“No.” The prisoner looks into his eyes. “I don’t have—”_

_The general smacks him._

_I jump._

_I almost knock into the door. Azula holds me still. “Shut up,” she whispers as the sound of the slap ricochet’s off the walls._

_“I want to go back to bed.” I try to get away from her, but she holds me there, watching._

_I don’t know why I watch. I could close my eyes. I could try to make her let me go for real this time, but I don’t. There’s a part of me that’s curious too, just like Azula._

_I’ve been so alone since Mom left._

_Azula’s the only one who still tries to include me in anything. I want to show her that she’s made the right choice. That I can handle grown up stuff like Mai and Ty Lee. That there are things I’m not supposed to know, but I want to know them, just like her._

_The prisoner has dark skin and even darker hair. He’s wearing clothes that are so tattered that I wonder why he’s wearing them at all—they cover nothing. The general laughs at him. The boy glares, sitting up._

_“If you bite me…” the general mutters, rubbing his thumb over the boy’s bottom lip. “I’ll go back to them.” He nods towards the two girl chained to the bedposts._

_The boy nods, but I don’t understand. Why would he bite the general?_

_The girls look around my age. They whimper like they’re hurt or something. For a second, I wonder if we should get the doctor, but then I remember they’re prisoners. I’m sure the general will get the prison doctor when he gets the chance. Maybe he’s already called for him._

_Suddenly, the general’s pants fall to the floor. He lets them. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. He’s not changing his clothes, or going to the bathroom, so why would he—_

_The boy kneels in front of him and opens his mouth, running his tongue over the general’s private place. My cheeks flush._

_“Damn.” The general runs his fingers down the boy’s face. “I just love your skin.”_

_The boy starts to choke, drool falling from the corner of his mouth._

_“Your people have beautiful skin, you know that?”_

“There's just nothing inside you,” Katara says to the man who killed her mother. “Nothing at all. You're pathetic and sad and empty.”

Pathetic. Sad. Weak.

Those words stay with me all the way back to camp, even after Katara decides to spare the man—and in a way, me as well. I don’t know if I agree with her decision.

I touch the scar tissue on my face, shoving away loose strands of hair. How could there be value in trying to let go of something you know you can’t forgive? If you know it’s damaged you _permanently_ , and you’re still trying to recover let alone move on, how could there be strength in letting it go? Shouldn’t you hold on tighter? Shouldn’t you fight harder to make them pay?

“I have a question for you,” I ask Aang once we’re back at camp.

He looks at me. I stare at him standing in the glow of the burning, setting sun. He casts shadows on me.

“What are you gonna do when you face my father?” I ask. He better say, _“Kill him.”_ He better use his Avatar mumbo jumbo to end his life. If he doesn’t, I’ll do it myself.

When Aang doesn’t have an answer, I’m disgusted for the second time today. I want to yell at him, like Katara yelled at her mother’s murderer, but this is Aang we’re talking about. Aang. Peaceful, forgiveness-loving Aang. I can’t be mad at him (not anymore at least).

The same compassion he’s showing my father is the same compassion he showed me. It’s the only reason I’m standing by his side today as allies. I don’t have a right to tell him not to show that restraint to my father, which only pisses me off more.

I head for my tent quickly after that talk. Then I slow down, remembering myself.

We’re heading to Ember Island in the morning, and I’m worried. It’s not because of the trip or the travel. it’s this night I have to get through. It’s the things I see in my sleep. Correction, I don’t sleep anymore. I have nightmares.

It’s been like that for a while. First when my mother left. Then when I was banished. Again when I was the Blue Spirit, and then again when I betrayed my Uncle and left Mai. Every major change in my life—good or bad—has brought a series of nightmares with it. Dragons and tea houses and agni kais.

Coming to join the avatar was no different.

The only problem is, these new “nightmares” are a bit different. They don’t feel like nightmares at all.

My face burns when I see Sokka’s tent in the distance. Memories of his slim, toned, writhing body sprawled out over his sleeping bag fill my mind. To my delight and horror, these images aren’t coming from my imagination. They’re coming from real life. I can’t believe I actually saw him doing _that_.

I shouldn’t’ve been there. I shouldn’t be thinking about him like this now, but I can’t stop. There’s one thing on my mind that won’t leave me alone. Who was he thinking about when he was touching himself? Whose name was about to fall from his lips before he saw me, cloudy blue eyes filled with lust? His fingers were stretching, no, _invading_ , his entrance in a way I’d only dreamed of doing myself—

I need to stop this.

He didn’t want me then, and he surely doesn’t want me now. You should’ve seen the look of horror on his face when he saw that it was me. Clearly, I had killed the mood. The son of Ozai. The scum of the fire nation. I can never stop being those things, so I can never be with him. On top of the fact that I’m a man. I’m not blind. I’m not stupid. We’re both men, and that’s not the way the world works. No heir, no honor. I’m sure it’s the same where he’s from.

I need to let these memories go. Him alone with me on the war balloon. In my cell at the boiling rock. In the control room of the airship, laughing at my expense. _Sokka._ Those blue eyes. That careless wolf tail. I can’t believe the first thing I did to him, the very first time I met him, was kick him in the face into the snow. I want him, but I don’t want to be that general. I know I’m nothing like that guy, but still. I don’t want to feel entitled to something I can never have.

I see the way his father looks at me, like he’s ready to strike at any moment. I see the way Sokka looks at me too, like he doesn’t know when I’ll show my “true colors.” My “true colors” being destruction. Hunting down his friends. Burning down villages. People might be able to forgive, but they can’t forget.

We’ve got entire nations of pain between us. The scars of this war… our people will never forget it no matter which way the revolution goes. Fire has done too much to water for it to ever forgive. Sokka and I can never be together, because I can never stop being who I am. Who I am is where I’m from, as I learned during my time on that Earth Kingdom farm.

I notice Suki slip into Sokka’s tent, and I go to mine. Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The next chapter should be updated soon, like within a week. I'd love to hear what you guys think, and a special shoutout to simon_sj, Diamondbirdy01, Im Never Happy (LiaIsInLove), Kymer, blueandie, and Tonicat20. Thank you guys so much for your support and patience lol ^^


	6. In Passing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang shows up at Zuko's old house. Sokka comes to terms with his feelings thanks to a nice view of the bath area.
> 
> This takes place the night before "The Ember Island Players."

**(Sokka’s POV)**

When we get to the “hideout,” everyone’s a little suspicious. “Um.” Suki gives me a wary look. It’s the same one she’s been giving since the prison.

I turn away from her to ask Zuko, “Is this it?”

“Yeah,” he says. “No one will look for us here.”

The expression on Toph’s face is priceless. Suki looks happy to have someone on her side.

As Appa lands, Aang hesitantly lifts a finger in Zuko’s direction. “Um, Sifu Hotman?”

“Would you stop calling me that?” Zuko hops off of Appa.

Aang’s grey eyes take in the scene before him. The stone courtyard. The overgrown sitting areas. The red verandas that line every walkway and balcony, screaming _fire nation_ before our worried eyes get the chance to.

“What is it?” Zuko asks.

“Nothing.” Aang follows the older boy off of Appa. His reluctant feet hover over the stone for a moment before settling down. “I was just wondering, is… this the best place to hide?” He pets Appa, but I think it’s more for his own comfort than the bison’s.

“It is.” Zuko’s harsh voice holds a tone of finality.

So Aang nods, and that’s it. We all get down.

It’s the middle of the night, but Zuko walks like he’s taking a stroll through a well-lit backyard. His body turns before his eyes get the chance to. A little too comfortable. A little too casual. A little too careless in “enemy” territory.

He gives himself away in the way he glides, lighting lanterns that he hasn’t even seen yet. He’s been here before. Not just once. Not just twice. When he said this was the “fire lord’s” home, I think he really meant, _“This was my home, once.”_ At least. Now it’s just an abandoned building giving way to the weather.

Still, it stands.

“Here.” He gestures unceremoniously to a certain hall.

We stop a few paces back. Someone repeats the word he says, "Here," like they’ve never heard it before. It comes out as a murmur. A whisper. It makes the entire situation real. I can't believe it. We’re squatting in the fire lord’s house…

Has it really come to this? Nobody moves.

Zuko looks at us. “Well?”

Katara’s the first to act. “Thanks, Zuko.” She throws a few doors open, stopping at the fourth room she tries. “Wow. This one’s spacious.” She smiles, more for his sake than her own. She’s been like this ever since they got back from their trip. Nicer. Friendlier.

He seems to appreciate it, even if he doesn’t say anything.

“Toph. Suki.” She ushers the other two girls to her side. It’s a silent request. Let’s stay together for now. It's a common thing we do when entering a new place. We'll stay close together, watching each other's backs. Eventually, we’ll spread out into our own spaces, but for now, Toph hops on the left bed, wiggling her toes. Her half-shoes come flying off as she stretches out on the sheets. “Goodnight.”

“Oh my gosh,” Katara gasps. “Wash up first.”

“Can you guys not do this today?” Suki follows them into the room.

I look for a place of my own elsewhere. I can see why Katara deemed some of these rooms uninhabitable. They’re all nice, but a lot of them don’t have beds. Who needs five million sitting rooms?  _Sigh._ Rich people.

Zuko’s voice sounds in the hall, calling my attention. “You could use this one,” he says, calm, steady.

My eyes meet his. I don’t even notice him opening a door. I just stand there. “... Huh?”

“The room.” His hand rests on the wooden frame. “I think it’s okay, but—”

I snap out of it, nodding harder than necessary. “Of course. It’s fine. Thanks.” I rush to his side.

“Yeah! Thanks, Zuko.” Aang shoulders past me, destroying the mood. “I call the better bed!”

I want to strangle him. For a moment I wonder if Zuko’s going to come in with us, but as soon as the thought crosses my mind, he turns to leave. I lift my hand, but then I decide against it.

That’s the thing about girls and guys.

Katara can just call her female “posse” with her. It’s normal, it’s expected even, but me? If I tried to call Zuko to share a bed with me, he’d look at me like I’d lost my mind.

Aang doesn’t call him either, so I keep my mouth shut. When in doubt, _act natural._ Do what Aang, my designated hetero, does.

But then again, Aang’s asked to share a bed with me before, and I’ve done the same with him. We've even done it sometimes when we had other options, so why’s it so different now? With Zuko?

_Because it just is._

That’s the honest truth. I sigh, rolling my head back. There’s no other way to put it. Aang’s Aang. I’m Sokka. Him and I are just like that, close and brotherly and stuff, but Zuko… he’s a completely different story.

I don’t even know if we’re friends, let alone if we could be sleeping buddies. I stand in the doorway as his figure almost disappears in the dark. He’s not lighting lanterns anymore, so his red robes blend into the corridors.

I assume he’s going to find a room of his own, far, far away from the rest of us. I wish he’d stay closer (for the group’s sake, of course), but even that’s more than I’m willing to ask. So what am I willing to ask?

“Zuko,” I say into the darkness.

He pauses, looking back. “Yeah?”

Where was I going with this? I hold onto the door frame, leaning out into the hall. "It’s funny,” I say. “At the air temple, I showed you your room. Now you're showing me mine.”

“Yeah.” He nods. It’s subtle, half-hearted, almost non-existent, but it’s a nod all the same. It feels like so much more.

My chest swell.

“Get some rest, Sokka,” he says.

I lean against the frame of the door, the same part of the wood he touched. “Okay." I rub the back of my neck. "I’ll do that.”

He nods. “Tell Aang he’s got training in the morning, too.”

“Poor kid.” I chuckle.

Silence.

Zuko still doesn’t leave. I don’t either, hoping this moment will never end. It’s stupid. It’s nothing. It’s just two guys exchanging words in a hallway, but it means everything to me.

He shakes his head the way people do right before they say something they might regret. He looks into my eyes. “Do you—”

“About this training,” Aang strolls out with a _‘How do I get out of this?’_ expression.

I curse under my breath. Really, Aang? Really?

Zuko gives him a quick lecture about taking firebending seriously. Then he disappears. I’m left wondering, what was he going to say?

###

“What do you think it’ll be like living here?” Aang asks, lying in bed.

I shrug, turning in mine. “There’s a town nearby isn’t there?”

“That’s what Zuko said. But..." He looks for words. "I meant something else.”

“The comet?” I ask.

He furrows his brow. “... Yeah. _That._ ”

“It’ll be fine.” I wave him off. “The fire lord’ll throw a few fire balls around, get a quick power trip, and then bam. It'll be over.” I chuckle.

He chuckles too, weakly.

My face falls. “Look." What's the best way to say this? "They already took Ba Sing Se. What more can they do?”

“So they’ll just do nothing?” he asks.

Even I know that’s wishful thinking, but there’s nothing else we can do. “There aren’t anymore Earth Kingdom strongholds for them to attack. Just use your time now to strengthen your bending.”

“Yeah.” He falls back onto his bed.

“Who knows.” I stare at the red walls. “Maybe the comet’ll be just the thing you need to master firebending.”

We sit quietly for awhile. I eventually leave to get cleaned up. He goes to the balcony to meditate.

Momo tags along with me.

“Okay. You can come,” I tell the lemur. “But I don’t want your big ol’ eyes staring at me. It’s creepy.”

He makes loud, happy noises, wrapping his body around my shoulders. I doubt he’s listening.

In passing, I see Suki in the halls. She’s with the other girls, coming back from a bath herself. She slows down to talk to me. “How’s your room?” she asks.

I straighten up. “Good.”

“Good.” She smiles.

The other two head back to their room, eyeing us, whispering.

A look says a lot, so it tells me something when Suki avoids my eyes. I can’t blame her. I’ve been decidedly vague in our conversations lately. With everything that’s been going on, and everything I’ve left unsaid, there’s a heaviness between us that wasn’t there before. I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit, and it’s all my fault.

“What’s the best spot to clean up?” I try to keep the dead conversation alive.

She points towards a way out of the house. “You can’t miss it. It’s pretty nice.”

“Thanks.” I don’t leave until she does. I don’t say goodbye until she says it first. I give her all the time she needs, just like I always do. This is Suki we're talking about, one of my closest friends. She deserves it. And just like that, the heaviness between us is gone (for now).

“I hear there’s a town nearby.” She says it in that way that means she’s offering for _me_ to offer her. She’s always ten steps ahead, strategizing.

I nod. “Yeah, I heard that too. Aang told me.”

“Katara told me.” She taps one of her feet behind the other against the floorboard.

“Do you want to go?” I look at her in the dim light.

She perks up. “Yeah. That sounds great.”

“Okay.” It’ll be a good opportunity for me to clear the air. _I don’t like you. Can we still be friends?_

Suki and I part ways after promising to see each other in the morning. I go to the wash area. She goes back to her joint room. I stop dead in my tracks when I get to the water.

Uh.

Zuko’s kind of just a little butt naked. Ass out for the world to see. Firm back, toned legs on full display. Tui and La, give me strength. Yue don’t look at me. Oh my god, he’s basking in my ex-girlfriend’s glow. Moonlight never looked so good on him—or anyone for that matter.

My mouth falls open.

I’m standing behind a structure that I think was made for privacy, but it’s not doing its job. I can see _everything_.

Zuko pours a bucket over his head, and his dark hair cascades down his shoulders. The liquid clings to him—every muscle, every inch of skin. They don’t make ‘em like that back home. We’ll they do (me), but still.

His skin is tanner than I remember. The milky white hue of his body has a tint of gold to it now. Not much. Just barely. Almost not even because if you told me he’d never left the palace in his life, I’d believe you, but still. There’s a hint of gold, and it makes the water fall over him like honey when it catches the light.

This is where his portrait should be done.

Royals get their portraits done, right? Could it be done here? In the center of red verandas and overgrown blades of grass peeking through stone. Could he be captured in the stillness of the night, in the ripples he's causing in the water?

I want this image to be permanent. Carved, painted, or pressed with the same delicacy that this house was made with. I want it to stand against the tests of time and to still be functioning.

To be so scarred and flawless and beautiful.

He runs his fingers over his body. His calloused hands run over the nicks and marks he’s grown use to, carelessly. If those were my hands, I’d take more time with it. I’d trace each inch of him, slowly. When he bends over, I try not to stare at his sculpted butt. Bam. Two perfect pieces of muscle just _there_. I should leave, but at the same time, I will myself to stay so I can see him when he turns around. It's stupid. He might see me in the process, but at the same time, I might see _him_. That makes all the difference.

Momo screeches.

I jump ten feet in the air. I don’t know why the damn lemur screeches, but he does. Maybe it’s because he’s liking the view too, but I launch myself to the ground, covering his mouth.

“Momo?” Zuko asks.

I beg the universe to let the wall conceal me. If Zuko knew I was here, I'd die.

“Is someone there?” He steps closer.

I hold my breath, shutting my eyes tightly. I could run, but if I did he’d hear me. I’m such a fool. Momo be my witness, I repent. I repent, _okay?_ Leave me alone.

It’s silent for a while before I hear the bucket splash more water again. Steam fills the area. I imagine he’s heating it, and the warmth is like sweet relief to my lungs. The second I think the water’s loud enough to conceal me, I run away.

I wait inside, a good distance from the bath area. My heart beats out of control. I can’t believe I got away with it. I consider going back to bed, just so I don’t test my luck anymore. I can always bathe in the morning, right? _Right?_ Then fear starts creeping into my mind.

What if he really did see me?

Of course he didn't. He would’ve said something. But dammit, Momo. I glare at the lemur. This is all his fault. I point a finger in his face before I realize I need it for more important reasons.

Not the reasons you’re thinking.

I hold my hand over my mouth, trying to regulate my breathing. I’m freaking out. I slump to the floor trying to catch my breath. That was too close. I still don’t know if I’m out of the woods yet. What if he talks about hearing a strange noise during his bath tomorrow? What if he starts an investigation?

Instead of seeing if I’m okay, or saying _sorry_ , Momo flies off towards the room. Traitor. Well good riddance. I’m busy anyway. I need to contemplate my life.

This might seem dramatic, but trust me, Zuko has the kind of body I need to meditate after witnessing. Wow. I fan myself. My face burns like I’m still breathing in steam. How did I ever convince myself I didn’t like guys?

The cool beach air fans through the house, filling the halls. I lean my head against the wall, breathing in. This is a thing, isn’t it? I like him don’t I?

Of course I do.

Dammit. I like to prince of the fire nation, _Zuko_. Maybe that would be okay, if I didn’t want him to like me too. Even as just a teammate. Even as just a friend. I know that’s all we’ll ever be. He likes Mai, and I’m a peasant, and he’s a prince, and I’m water tribe, and he’s fire nation, but still…

I want to impress him. I want him to see me the way I see him. As an ally. As an equal. As someone he’d like to keep in his life. It sounds stupid, doesn’t it? Yeah. It sounds really stupid, but it’s how I feel.

I go back to my room to wait my turn for the bath. I don’t think I can see him right now, even in passing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to happen between our boys in the next chapter *two eyes looking to the side emoji* prepare yourselves lol
> 
> Thanks for reading!! I might update the next chapter in a week or two. This chapter came pretty fast. The next one should too ^^


	7. Bro Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka decides that he has something to say to Zuko. Alone. In the middle of the night. In Zuko's room.

I take forever in the water.

I wish I could say it’s because it feels like something familiar in an unfamiliar place, but that’s not true. The bath is lukewarm, unlike the freezing ice that coats the South Pole. It’s nothing like home.

Home.

Heh, it’s kind of funny. I’ve been away for so long, and I’ve been to so many different places, that it feels weird to point to one spot on the map and say,  _ ‘That’s it. That’s home.’ _ The Southern Water Tribe almost feels like a distant memory now, like Mom. I wonder if it’s even something I can go back to.

Is that what I’ll do?

If we win this war, if I accomplish what I set out to do—help Aang defeat the fire lord, will I go back to my tribe forever? is that it for me? Is that the end of my adventures?

Don’t get me wrong. I love my  _ home _ . Even if I’ve basically seen the entire world, the Southern Water Tribe could never get too small for me. It has so many adventures of its own, and I miss it so much, but still…

A place can feel so small without the people you care about in it.

After Mom passed, it felt so empty. And then Dad left us in his own way. We got used to the space, of course. Made new relationships, strengthened our ties to Gran Gran, but it was never the way it was.

I wonder if that’s how it’ll be with the gang. Will Suki go back to Kyoshi and never speak to us again? Will Toph travel the world alone and carry ‘her own’ weight? Will Aang try to rebuild the air temples, and if he does, will Katara go with him? Will my sister, my best friend, go with  _ him _ ?

And Zuko…

My feet take me to the room Aang and I share, but then they pass it, treading further down the hall. What am I doing?

The lanterns stop illuminating my path. They’re unlit, and consumed by shadows. “Zuko?” I walk a little faster, stumbling in the dark. Where is he? I don’t want to be alone. This place is creepy, and for all I know, Azula could pop out and turn me into a shish kabob! I’ve kept my voice down, but now I scream,  _ “Zuko.” _

“What?”

I jump ten feet in the air.

It’s him, standing in a doorway, eyebrow quirked. “What is it, Sokka?”

“Phew.” I wipe my forehead. “Boy, am I glad to see you.”

“Is someone dying?” he asks.

I shake my head.

“Are we under attack?”

“No.” I wave him off.

He looks confused, but I don’t feel like explaining—just yet. Instead, I try to walk into his room. I hope he gets the hint, I need to talk.

He blocks me immediately. “Go away, Sokka. I’m sleeping.”

I pale. “What?”

“Go away.”

“Oh come on. What are you, eighty?” I ask.

He glares at me.

I put my shoulder against the door, giving him a hard look (which is kind of hard to do, considering where I saw him last). I hate that I have to look up a little. Why’s he gotta be so tall anyway? It’s not fair.

He doesn’t back down when I step forward, so our faces are only inches apart. “What do you want?” he asks.

I shrug. “I was just thinking.”

“Well have fun with that.” He closes the door.

I stop him. “Wait.”

He glares through the crack, but then he sees the look on my face. “What’s wrong?”

It’s nothing really. It wasn’t worth coming all this way to mention, but I ask it anyway, “You ever wanna go back to the Boiling Rock?”

“What?” He furrows his brow.

I shrug again. “I don’t know.” I try to laugh, but nothing comes out. It sounds dry, and sad, and weak. He says nothing. I stare at the walls, wondering I should just go.

He sighs forcefully. “Do...?”

I don’t get what he’s asking, but when he steps to the side, I don’t hesitate to walk in. The nerves hit me when I pass through the door. I bet my face is the same color as the red tapestries. “Was this your old room?” I ask.

He shakes his head.

“Oh.” There goes that theory. It makes this a little easier.

He sits on the edge of the bed. It compresses underneath him, making a sound that sounds lewd to me for no particular reason. I try to focus on something else. Where should I sit?

There’s a nice spot on the floor. That’ll do. I go to it, but he looks at me strange. “Just sit here.” He nods beside him.

A shiver runs down my spine.

I blame the draft. I blame my body that moves on autopilot. I blame the fact that everything I do these days seems to be against my better judgement. I sit beside the older boy, keeping my eyes on my hands. Why am I acting like this?

“You want to go back there?” he asks.

I avoid his question with a question of my own. I stretch my legs out in front of me. I can barely see where they end in the dark. “Why don’t you light a lantern?”

“I don’t want to encourage you to stay any longer,” he says.

It’s like a slap to the face. I rub the back of my neck, chuckling. “Damn.” It actually hurts. “You know you’re heartless, right?”

“Hm.”

I touch the bed beside me, tangling my fingers in the sheets.

“You still haven’t answered my question,” he says.

That’s the thing. I don’t know. “I just want to go on more adventures.” That’s the only way I know how to put it. “The comet feels like the end of everything, but I don’t want that.”

“Are you afraid of dying?” he asks.

I shake my head. “I mean, yeah, but that’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Then what is it?”

“I just said it,” I say.

“I’m not understanding.”

I sigh exasperatedly. It’s like I’m talking to a brick wall. He just doesn’t get it, and I’m tired of explaining. “I like  _ this _ .” I gesture between the two of us, but I really mean the whole house. The whole town. The whole world. “I don’t want  _ this _ to end.”

“What is  _ this _ ?” he asks.

I sigh. “I don’t know.”

“You said adventures before,” he keeps trying. “Is that it?”

“Something like that.”

“The boiling rock was an adventure to you?” He looks at me like I’m insane.

I wave my hands. “No, I don’t mean the danger part.” I remember what those Earth Kingdom nomads told me all those months ago, and for once, it comes in handy. “It’s not about the where. It’s about the  _ going _ .”

“Stop speaking in riddles, Sokka,” he says.

I can’t do this anymore. I press my feet into the wooden boards. This was a mistake. “I should go—”

“—the going,” he says quickly, grabbing my arm. “I’m listening. I swear.” He looks into my eyes.

My skin burns where he touches me.

He tightens his grip. “I heard you, just...” His voice is barely above a whisper. “Try again.”

He doesn’t need to tell me twice. But to my dismay, he lets go of me the second I comply.

“I don’t want to be away from my friends.” I sit beside him, closer now. “I don’t care where I go, I just want to keep going places with—” Do I say  _ them _ or  _ you guys _ ? Is it too soon to call Zuko my friend to his face?

He answers before I can decide. “I don’t get how the Boiling Rock would help. You only went there with me, remember?”

“Aren’t we friends?” My face burns. 

He pauses. “Are we?”

I don’t say anything, but I think he finds the answer in my eyes. He sits back, looking at the ceiling. “Even if we are friends, I doubt you’d want to go on another adventure with me.”

“Why not?”

He scoffs. “I hate to break it you, but the last field trip I went on didn’t exactly go so well.”

“With Katara?” I ask.

He nods.

“What are you talking about?” I decide at that moment that Zuko really doesn’t know how to read people. “It changed her life,” I say.

He almost shakes his head, but I lean closer. “ _ Yes, _ it did. Don’t tell her I told you, but...” I lower my voice. “She was a mess when you guys got back.”

“What?” He furrows his brow. 

I nod. “She was crying her eyes out. That only happens when she’s been really moved.”

“You’re lying.” He can’t believe it, but I remember it like it was yesterday (which it was). Katara ran into my tent, crying, saying,  _ “I can’t believe I told you that you didn’t love Mom the way I did. How could I say that?”  _ I tried to tell her it was okay, but she wouldn’t listen.

“She was screaming so loud,” I say. “Suki came to see what was wrong.”

Zuko’s eyes widen. “That’s why Suki went in your tent?”

Silence.

I pause, raising an eyebrow.

He realizes what he said. “I mean—”

I half-smile, half-smirk. I don’t know why I do, if it’s because I’m amused or startled, but I can’t keep a lopsided grin off my face. “You…” I try not to laugh at his mortified expression. “Saw Suki go into my tent?” 

“No,” he yells.

I jump.

He lowers his voice. “I mean.” He scratches the back of his neck. “It’s not like that. I was just...” He clears his throat. “There.”

“Oh,” I say.

He doesn’t say anything else.

I stretch my arms out, dropping them onto my knees. “Well, that’s the only reason Suki came in.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he says.

“I’m not explaining.” I turn my whole body towards him in the dark. “I’m just being honest. With Suki and me... I mean, we’re not…”

“Really?” He looks genuinely surprised, and a bit of something else.

I can’t tell exactly what it is, but I nod. “Yeah.”

He furrows his brow. “So you are?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I mean, no, there’s nothing between us. Yes, there’s really nothing going on.” That’s a mouthful. I laugh awkwardly.

He sits back against the wall. “Okay.” 

“Yeah… Okay.” I link my fingers, keeping my eyes on my hands. “You know… You could’ve just asked if you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t.”

I roll my eyes. “Well if you were.”

“I said I wasn’t.” He narrows his eyes. 

“Okay, okay.” Testy. I put my hands up in defense. He’s so prickly sometimes. “I was just saying we’re both adults here, so we can—”

“Who’s an adult?” he asks.

I frown. “I am.”

“You?”

“Yes,  _ me _ .” I puff my chest out. “Who else would I be talking about?”

He gives me a look. “You’re not an adult.”

“Whatever.” I glare at him. I’m not in the mood to put up with his Zuko-ness today. “What I’m saying is, like we  _ both _ agreed.” I give him a firm look. “We’re friends now.  _ Bro _ friends.” I hope he feels the weight of that.

His golden orbs glow in the dimness. I wonder what he sees with them, when he looks at me. “What does that mean?” he asks. “Bro friends?”

My heart races. “It means we can talk about... stuff.”

“Stuff?”

Shouldn’t he know what I’m talking about? I look to the side. “You know, stuff like crushes and kisses and…  _ Adult _ things the rest of the group’s too young to hear.”

His voice drops. “You’re being really vague, Sokka—”

“Fucking.” My mouth goes dry the second I say it.

I think his does too.

I tighten my grip on the sheets.

He watches the movement. “You want to talk about…” He can’t even say it. “Sex?”

“I want to talk about why you were thinking about Suki in my tent,” I say.

Even more color leaves his face.

I give him a bashful if not knowing look. There are only three possibilities. He likes Suki. He likes me. Or he’s a peeping tom. My bet’s on Suki, but some stupid part of me hopes… Maybe it’s the fact that we’re alone together, or that his eyes look so damn good in the dark, that I want him to say he likes me.

This boy is gonna be the end of me.

“I was just, when I was,” he stammers. He’s got a poker face on, but it’s obvious with how red his face is. He blends in with the walls. “I was just going to my tent, and I  _ happened _ to see her.”

“You just happened to see her?”

He furrows his brow. “Yes. I came back at the same time as Katara, remember?”

I smirk. “I get that, but.” I’m getting more confident by the second. I lean closer to him. “Suki came a while after Katara…  _ Remember _ ?”

He tugs on his sleeve, worrying the fabric between his fingers.

I glance at him from the corner of my eyes. I wasn’t expecting this kind of reaction. Could he really be into Suki? Maybe I should ask.

I hold my breath. “Do you like—”

“I think I should go.” He stands up quickly. 

I falter. “What?” I look around. “This is your room.”  

“I should go.” He heads for the door. “I need to… take a bath.”

He already took a bath. “Wait.” I grab his arm.

He yanks it away. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

“Alright. We won’t then.” I put my hands up in defense. “I just thought—”

“Well you thought wrong.”

Now I’m offended. Not for me, but for Suki. Who does he think he is? He’s not better than her. “I’m kind of getting sick of you, Zuko, and your peasant talk. I thought you were past this.”

“What?” he asks.

I narrow my eyes. “Would it be so horrible to be with her?”

“Her?” he asks.

“Yes, Zuko,” I sigh forcefully. Why can’t he keep up? “I’m talking about Suki.”

“Suki?” he asks.

“Yes.” I jab a finger in his face. It’s time he gets off his high horse. “She’s a warrior and a leader and she’s an amazing person too. But I guess that wouldn’t mean anything to the prince of the fire nation—”

“There’s nothing wrong with Suki.” He raises his voice. “I just didn’t know you were talking about her.”

“What?”

He looks to the side.

I try to follow his gaze. “Who did you think I was talking about?”

He keeps his eyes away from me.

I wait for him to say a name, but he doesn’t. “Oh.” I guess that’s my cue to start guessing. “...Katara?”

“No,” his eyes widen.

“Are you sure?” I ask. “Is that why you went on a field trip with her?”

“It’s not her.”

It dawns on me. Of course. “Mai.” Now I feel stupid. “Sorry.” I don’t know why she slipped my mind. Well, it’s not like she actually slipped my mind. It’s just, I thought after he mentioned the tent thing that he was feeling things for someone else. But this is Zuko we’re talking about. He’s nothing if not persistent.

I sigh. “I didn’t mean to—”

He kisses me.

I freeze.

I stand there looking like I got hit by a polar bear dog. Like a bucket of ice got poured over me. Like I took a shot of cactus juice and I’m high as a kite. Dear god, he kisses me. It only lasts for a second, but it lasts for a whole second, and I want to cry when he pulls away.

“Zuko—” But he’s already gone.


	8. As If Burned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter happens during the events of "The Ember Island Players."
> 
> Sokka imagines what it'd be like to sit next to Zuko during the play. They have to talk about the kiss at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the nice comments. You guys made this chapter possible shix, Ellen, Kymer, sugarshay, and scifigeek14.
> 
> Enjoy!

When Suki and I get back from our trip in the morning, the first thing I notice is everybody’s outside. Aang just finished his firebending training. Zuko’s only a few paces away, wiping sweat from his neck. He moves the cloth back and forth. Up into his hairline. Down into his shirt. His eyes connect with mine.

I hold my breath.

He gets up to leave.

It’s been like this since last night. Since we… We haven’t spoken a word to each other, but I don’t want him to leave just yet. It can’t go on like this forever.

I hurriedly pull out the scroll, announcing to the group, “You guys are not gonna believe this.”

He pauses.

“There's a play about us.” I hold onto the paper tighter.

Suki grins beside me.

Zuko frowns.

Everybody else perks up. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Suki says. “We were just in town and we found this poster!”

Zuko’s eyes land on it, so I clear my throat, reading as convincingly as possible. I want to go. I want  _ him _ to want to go. “The Boy in the Iceberg is a new production from acclaimed playwright Pu-on Tim..."

With every line I speak, his frown goes away a little. He even sits down again halfway through when I mention the pirates.

Then Suki  leans closer to me so she can read off the sheet herself. "Brought to you by the critically acclaimed Ember Island Players," she finishes for me. Our eyes connect.

Zuko groans.

Everyone turns to him, raising an eyebrow.

“I mean.” He sits up straighter. “My mother used to take us to see them. They butchered Love Amongst the Dragons every year.”

My shoulders slump. I guess he’s not into it.

In my mind I imagined the darkness of the theater. The concessions. The shareable drinks. It’d be the perfect place to see what’s going on between us, since Suki and I officially confirmed we were just friends this morning.

### (Earlier that day)

I shove my hands into my pockets, walking through the streets. It’s like the town wakes up, one happy vendor at a time. Shop owners sweep their entrances, smiling as we pass. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Suki and I greet back. She uses her liquid sweet voice, smiling beside me.

Old ladies hold their cheeks, tilting their heads to the side. Old men chuckle.  _ “Remember when we were like that, honey?” _

Part of me likes it. Being a painting-perfect couple. Under a painting-perfect sky. In a painting-perfect town. It’s like the war isn’t even here. We could forget it if we wanted to, because if there was ever a more peaceful morning in the history of the world, it lost its title today.

The breeze blows through our fire nation attire. The warm, morning sun stains her cheeks as she frowns. “What’s wrong?”

What could possibly be wrong on a day like today? It’s not for me.

“I’m hungry,” I say quietly.

She looks at a small food place that resembles a cottage. The smile’s back on her face, tugging gently at her lips. “Then let’s find some food.”

###

“I could clean up those windows for you,” Suki offers the elderly shop owner.

I nod. “I could wash the dishes. Wipe down the tables.”

“For just a bowl each?” The elderly woman smiles.

We nod, and she agrees, happily. We trade our services for food. That’s how we get around these days when we venture out of our hiding places. It doesn’t pay a lot, but we get by.

Suki looks at me as she cleans the high windows. I look at her as I wipe the chairs down. I try to imagine this. The domesticity of it all. Waking up at the crack of dawn to walk around town with her. Making an honest living. Laughing over bowls of soup in shop corners, cozied up in a cottage. We whisper quietly about things that don’t really matter in the stillness of the morning, and I don’t want it to end. But it has to.

“Can I try?” She reaches her chopsticks towards my bowl.

I don’t allow her to. I hold the bowl closer. The laughter dies down. She watches me. “Sokka?”

“Things are different,” I say.

Her eyes lower. “Different?”

I hesitate, then I nod.

“... I’m sorry,” she says.

But she doesn’t need to be sorry. It’s my fault.

She swirls her chopsticks around her bowl, stirring the warm liquid. “I like it like this, though,” she frowns.

I tighten my grip on my bowl. The hard material feels like loss. The steam tastes like sadness. “I do too, it’s just—”

“I like you.” She looks into my eyes. “I just have feelings for someone else.”

I blink a few times. “Wait… what?”

“What?” She falters.

My jaw drops. “ _ You _ have feelings for someone else?”

“What do you mean  _ you _ ?” She straightens up. “I thought...”

“You thought what?” I ask.

She blushes. “I thought you knew? You’ve been acting so weird.”

“Because—” I catch myself.

She leans closer.

I lean back over the chair.

“Because…?” She narrows her eyes.

I scratch the back of my neck. “I…” I tug at my collar. “I…”

“ _ You _ like someone else too?” she asks.

My throat dries.

She flails her arms. “Well?” 

“Hey, don’t make this about me. Who do you like?” I cross my arms. It better not be Zuko.

She crosses her arms too. “I could ask you the same thing. There’s only one other girl on this team that’s not your sister.”

“So?”

“Do you like Toph?” she asks.

I cock my head back. “No. Of course not.”

“Are you sure?” 

I shrug. “And if I do? What does it matter?”

I hear her chopsticks crack. I squeak. “Suki?”

### (Back to the present)

I look around the group gathered around the open area in the firelord’s house. “Come on.” I say, kicking my foot against the stones. “A day at the theater? This is the kind of wacky time-wasting nonsense we've been missing.”

Zuko looks at me from the corner of his eyes. I don’t look away.

The rest of the gang agrees, so we all get ready for a night at the theater.

###

Zuko’s eyes are illuminated in the dim light of the auditorium. Shadows dance across his face, highlighting the dips in his cloak across his shoulders. I look at him every chance I get, even if I can only see the back of his head. The tousle of his hair. The slump in his shoulder every time his actor appears on stage.

I wonder what he’s thinking.

He sat next to Katara and Aang, leaving me alone with Suki. There’s all this space back here. There’s no excuse. I told him nothing’s going on between me and her, and I didn’t push him away during the kiss, so what’s his problem? What’s he running from?

Actress Katara leans towards Actor Zuko, batting her eyes. “I have to admit Prince Zuko, I really find you attractive.”

“You don't have to make fun of me,” he says.

The real Zuko’s shoulders stiffen.

“But I mean it!” Actress Katara sits a little too close beside him. The real Katara and Zuko aren’t that much further apart. They glance at each other.

“I've had eyes for you since the day you first captured me!”

I have to admit, when I saw the poster for this play in town, I secretly wanted it to be just us. Zuko and I. It wasn’t a serious thought, because of course I always want the gang around, but still…

I imagined walking down the steps with him, our fingers brushing. I imagined he’d let me into the aisle first. Sit a little too close. Stare at me a little too long when he didn’t think I was looking. We’d pay attention to the play at first, and then we wouldn’t pay attention at all.

Something would trigger it.

We’d both reach for the fire flakes. Our hands would touch. Our eyes would connect. We’d lean closer, closer, closer. He wouldn’t pull away this time. I wouldn’t ever let him go until the play was done. Maybe even after that. We’d be sitting in the nosebleed section for a reason. We wouldn’t have to worry about prying eyes, or judgement, or ridicule.

Two boys kissing. We’d just be two boys kissing. A painting-perfect picture, even if the world wouldn’t want to see it. Even if old ladies wouldn’t smile because of it. Even if old men wouldn’t understand. 

“Hey, Aang,” I ask when he gets up. “Can you get me some fire flakes?” I guess I can eat them alone.

Suki gives me a sympathetic look. She leans against me, staring at her own crush herself—Toph. I wrap my arm around her, keeping my eyes on Zuko. We’re a sad pair, aren’t we?

Oh, wait.

“Ooh, and fire gummies!” I call out to Aang. I put my arm back around Suki, leaning into her. She gives me an irritated look.

What?

###

We walk back to the house in the dark. Suki catches up with the other girls. I trail towards the back of the group. The ground is uneven, so I focus on my footing while everyone talks about how terrible the play was.

“But the effects were decent,” I say.

“My scar was on the wrong side,” Zuko says.

Whoops. I forgot about that. I chuckle sheepishly. “Decent for the most part?”

He doesn’t say anything else.

I don’t know how he ends up in front of me. Maybe I speed up. Maybe he slows down, but by the time we reach the house, he’s next to me.

The girls call dibs on the wash area. Aang goes to check on Appa. I’m left alone with Zuko. If he notices, he doesn’t care. He walks around the exterior of the house. This is the part where I should go inside to my room.

I don’t go inside.

I follow him. “Zuko.” 

He doesn’t stop.

“Where are you going?” 

“To train,” he says.

I look at the dark sky. “Now?” 

“That’s the idea.”

“Isn’t it a little late?” I ask.

He rounds the corner. “Goodnight, Sokka.”

“But—”

“Goodnight.” He reaches the open area.

I look up, into his eyes, or at least I try to. He’s facing the other way. My face falls. “Goodnight, I guess.”

He tugs his cloak off while I turn around, heading to my room. I hear him move through the stances. His shoes tap against the stone as I reach the edge of the square. Then it hits me.

I whip around. “Actually, Zuko.”

“What?” he sighs. His shirt is off.

I look away, quickly. I don’t know why I do.  I’ve seen him shirtless a million times. I clear my throat. “I was thinking—”

“I have to train.”

“But last night—”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He snaps his head towards me. 

I shrink under the weight of his tense shoulders and clenched fists. I wanted to see his eyes. Now I get them. Raging. Glaring. Flaring.

I recoil, as if burned.

He takes a step back.

I take a few more. 

“Sokka.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t mean—”

“If it was a mistake, that’s all you had to say,” I tell him.

He doesn’t say anything.

“Was it?” I ask.

Silence.

“Zuko?”

He stays quiet, and in his silence, I find my answer. I play off the sinking feeling in my gut. “See?” I shrug. “That wasn’t so hard.”

_ “Hm,” _ he says, and it’s like a slap to the face.

I turn to the house, walking in any direction to get away from him. “Nice talk.”

I hear him shifting through the stances behind me. His flames paint shadows across the stones in my path, and I want to disappear.

“You didn’t want it, did you?” he asks when I reach the edge of the training area.

I hesitate.

He watches me from across the courtyard.

I raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“The kiss,” he says. “You don’t feel that way about me, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you want to happen next? I already have ideas, but I can always tweak a few things or make *certain* things happen faster lol :D


	9. Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter happens the night of "The Ember Island Players," right after everyone gets back from the play.
> 
> Zuko and Sokka talk about the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to all the people who took the time to comment on the last chapter and encourage me! Im Never Happy (LiaIsInLove), scifigeek14, AaAAAAAAHHHHH, JustRandomGirlOnTheInternet, fandomfab16, Badgers_Bitch, blessed, Asexual Damian Wayne, NeyMessi_FCB (Sherlockophobia), callmecaramleh, DJRCB, casandersson, Paffu, sugarshay, RandomMeerkitty, and DemonDarakna!
> 
> Wow, you guys are amazing. I’m so grateful for each and every one of you. It means so much, and I really hope you enjoy this chapter!

I take a careful step forward.

He glares at the shrinking distance between us. “If you’ve got something to say, just say it from there.”

I cock my head back. _You didn’t want it, did you? You don’t feel that way about me, right?_ Geez, this guy. He honestly thinks I don’t like him? “You were the one who stopped kissing me, remember?”

He falters.

I nod, stopping toe-to-toe in front of him.

When his golden eyes stay on my own—blue, wanting, waiting—I feel everything about this night. The chill of the air. The stones under my feet. The sound of his steady, forceful breathing. He sounds the way he does when he’s getting ready to train for hours—shifting through the stances and preparing for war. There’s no war tonight, though. Not here. There’s no fire nation army. No crazy sister tracking him down. It’s just me.

“You don’t remember?” I ask.

“ _You_ didn’t kiss back.”

“I was startled,” I say.

“Startled?”

“Yeah.” I tilt my chin up. “By the time I realized what you were doing, you ran away—”

He grimaces. “I don’t need all the gory details.”

“Zuko.” I’m not trying to embarrass him. I reach out for him.

He pulls away, looking around. He brushes his arm off where I almost touched him. “Someone could see this.” He says _this_ like it’s the dirtiest thing ever.

“I don’t care,” I say.

He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“That’s…” I rub my hand down my face, sighing. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“You already know,” I say.

“I don’t,” he says.

“You do.”

“I’m not doing this—”

“I like you.” I raise my voice. I wouldn't be surprised if they heard me back home.

He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind for the second time tonight. If I could see myself right now, maybe I’d do the same. A south pole kid, dressed up like the enemy, confessing to (essentially) the enemy. We’re worlds apart, but it doesn’t feel that way, though. In the dim moonlight shining over the courtyard, there’s only a small distance between us. A narrow step. An easy fix. I don’t see blue and red. I don’t see boy and boy. I only see us, him, _this_ , and it’s the furthest thing from dirty.

We’re only a _step_ away, but it’s still somehow a big step. It’s got politics, and the gang, and our families, and our nations, and everything all screwed up and twisted together. But right now? Right now, we’re right here. Like I said, we’re _just_ a step away. We’re breathing the same air, occupying the same open space in the night, and, fuck it all, I like him.

Why’d I have to go and tell him that, though?

I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. And they say _he’s_ the one who doesn’t think things through? “You can stop pretending.” I hesitate. “I know you feel something for me, too... Right?”

He keeps his eyes on me. I hold his gaze.

“Sokka…”

“Zuko?”

He sighs forcefully, running his fingers through his hair. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” My frown deepens.

He looks at me from the corner of his eyes. Then, he looks away. He opens his mouth to say something. He closes it, stepping closer. I don’t move back. We’re too close. The fact that it’s intentional makes my heart race. The still existent gap between us is the only problem. It’s like the closer we get, the closer I want to get. We’ve covered miles, but now the inches feel like hell. Zuko’s used to traveling distances, though, if it’s for a good cause in his head.

“You said I was the one who stopped kissing you before, right?” The heat of his breath ghosts over my skin.

I nod. All I can do is nod.

He leans closer, slowly, cautiously. He keeps his eyes on me the entire time like he’s waiting for me to run. I don’t plan on it. I lean forward, putting my hands on his chest. It takes everything in me to not hold onto at him.

He doesn’t kiss me.

He just rests his forehead against mine, closing his eyes like in prayer. Like in asking. I watch him the entire time, because I don’t have anything to ask for myself, at least, not at the moment. Except maybe time. Time to do more of this. Time to really enjoy it without feeling like it’s going to end any second. I tilt my chin to get a better angle for all I want us to do. Our noses brush against each other. My breath catches. He sucks in air. Our lips brush, but he doesn’t seal them. “We should go somewhere else,” he whispers against my lips.

I follow him back to his room. Maybe I lead him there.

###

My hands have a mind of their own. My fingers gently brush against his cheek like testing the temperature of water. The heat of the sun meets my icy skin. The cold air trapped in the house. The warmth of his breath. He lifts his hands over mine, pressing my palms further against his skin. He never opens his eyes, like his afraid to.

I keep mine open, like I’m afraid to, too. Like I could blink and this could all disappear. One second we’re in the courtyard. The next, we’re clumsily stumbling into his room. We only make it past the door before we’re reaching for each other again.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N (5/10/18) - I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for reading ^^


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